Author Archives: loradayton

Semi-Hiatus

Hey.

So.

A while back, some may have recalled me going through a pretty rough time with someone I met through this community. I took down the original posts, so if you didn’t catch the story, don’t worry about it. It doesn’t matter.

Long story short things got way worse than I thought they could have ever been and after he showed up and decided to actually show up and things started going well, I found out he was married.

I don’t really want to talk about it. I don’t really know how to interact here right now. For the most part we ended on good terms but I am deep in grief right now, still pretty shell-shocked, and just going through a lot of stuff. Being around here, on the networks, etc… they are all pretty triggering and I just can’t invest in them right now.

I do still have considerable plans that I intend to finish before the end of the year; things I had started planning last year. Some of you have outstanding commissions and I will finish them as soon as I can, probably in the next few weeks.

If you are interested in a commission, feel free to reach out but keep in mind I can’t guarantee a delivery date. Expect 45-60 days for a draft. As of April 21, commissions are closed. I will reopen them eventually.

I really just do not know what to do right now and need a lot of time. I’m not going away forever, just for a while.

FAQ: Everything You Want to Know About My Writing Process

I get asked these so often and in such a predictable sequence that I decided they all belonged in their own single post. Behold, everything you all want to know about my writing process and some quick things about etiquette when asking a writer about their craft.

If you asked me one of these questions and I sent you this link instead: these are not things that are appropriate to ask.

How’d you get into writing? How long have you been doing it?

This question is usually fine with most people, but I personally do not like to discuss my writing process or history with others and I get asked so often that I created this instead.

It was something I always showed an aptitude for, all the way back to elementary school and I routinely scored off the charts every time my English composition and grammar skills were tested. I took additional modules for my college board exams (that the universities never cared about anyway so they were useless) but pursued other areas of study. It never occurred to me to study writing.

After (finally) graduating, I followed another career path for a while then decided to leave it. Just before that transition I had started leaning into my writing a bit more and realized that what came so naturally to me was a unique gift and I did not want to waste it. Things just built up from there.

You must be all kinds of “excited” when you write your stories.

Incorrect! And even if I was, that’s none of your goddamn business.

Generally, my process involves, um, inspiration (I’ll let you figure that one out) where I outline a new piece. If I have a commission, I work with the details the buyer provided and weave it into a 3-part structure. If necessary I will break it up from there.

However, I do not write when I’m actually aroused and horny. My output has already been slow and inconsistent due to *gestures at everything* but I’d really never get anything done if I only wrote in that state. I’ve definitely tried it, more than once, but honestly… writing while horny completely kills the mood for me because it’s a different part of my brain that gets aroused creatively.

So basically: I outline when horny, write when sober, and edit with coffee.

From there, I work on formatting and the cover art, then do the upload and marketing process. Because I’m doing this all myself, obviously, it’s an inconsistent and slow-going thing.

*weird comment insinuating that a story must be some personal fantasy of mine*

Please do read my writing. But do not read into my writing and seek meaning or desire that is not there.

When a story is from my own mind (not a commission) it’s true that there is some basis of personal fantasy in the premise. But quite honestly—once I know I have something workable, my creative juices take over and even when something does come my own spank-bank vault, by the time I have polished it up for mass consumption by my audience, I’m pretty far removed from any excitement on my part.

Stuffing Season is a great example of that. The opening scene is one I enjoy a lot and the premise was one I had in my head for a while (ahem, for reasons) but the way most of it turned out really aren’t my own personal fantasies. They were just ideas I knew would fit in very well with the story and would lead me to the end I planned.

If you are trying to get to know me as a person, my kink stories are not some secret path into my sexual or personal psyche.

*weird conversation about the personal impact an essay or blog post had on your life*

I’m genuinely thankful and pleased that something non-fiction I wrote resonated with you. That is why I do what I do! And I genuinely do enjoy hearing feedback and that it spoke to you.

But.

I am not your therapist and the act of me accepting and engaging in feedback about how something impacted you is not an invitation to emotionally unload on me or otherwise vent. Unless we are friends, I am not your friend. If you feel you need further advice or want a fancy sexy story of your own, I do have both of those available (click here for my commission rates and here to submit to an upcoming advice column).

I understand that my non-fiction writing shows an open, empathetic side of me. And to that end, yes, I am very much me in those pieces. But I am ultimately a sensitive, private person with intense and rigid boundaries and I do not do well when they are violated. Appreciate the work for what it is and don’t seek more (unless, of course, you want a commission…)

It’s ok to reach out and tell me you appreciated a piece, and why. I will always respond in kind to that. It’s not ok to push the conversation deeper unless I already know you.


There you have it. All of the questions you want to ask and shouldn’t, but do anyway.

Thank you for reading my post today! If you enjoyed it, you may also be interested in my erotica or even a commission. I am also currently seeking submissions for an upcoming advice column.

Hey, Feedists: Stop Complaining About Distance

When scrolling through feedist spaces, namely but not exclusively Feabie, I equally encounter two common complaints:

  1. “Why are all the cute ones in another country?”
  2. “There is no one in my [often large] city!”

It’s rather endearing to see these sometimes. They often pop up within moments of each other and I can’t help but chuckle about it. However: these are really limiting beliefs.

I’m going to state something outright that is going to be a tough pill to swallow if you seek any type of real-life feedist experience: travel is almost certainly going to be part of the package, friends. This is especially true if you are seeking a long-term or otherwise committed relationship.

I don’t mean you should be ready to drop two grand to beeline to New Zealand at the drop of a hat just because someone promised to eat for/feed you, but you all are really holding yourselves back and selling yourself short if you discount the connections you want to make simply because of something so silly as distance. Half the fun of socializing online in any context is the fact you can meet people from all over the world! So embrace the opportunity for adventure if you are fortunate enough to take it.

Here are some reasons you are holding yourself back if you give up when no one is in your city or state:

Online and long-distance relationships are not “less than” proximate ones

I said what I said! How many of us have met close friends over the interwebs in our lifetimes, especially us Elder Millennials? How many of us have dear friends we’ve never set our own eyes on in the flesh, but still consider them a part of our lives? Psychologically, we still get social fulfillment from our digital relationships across the social spectrum. They are not better or worse than relationships we have nearby us in person, they are just different.

You’re only limiting yourself

Maybe it’s just because I’m American, used to long distances, and think nothing of jumping on a plane to go somewhere if need be; Los Angeles to New York is a six-hour flight. It’s entirely possible I’m spoiled by our interstate highway system and that I grew up in the Midwest, often hauling myself across entire states before drinking age without thinking twice except that my engine was tuned and I had a full tank of gas. If there was a show I wanted to see or go along with a friend to their cabin, eight hours in the car one-way was half the fun.

Unless your specific locale is part of your kink (and as an Angeleno, you know, I get it)… which is better: knowing you could meet the actual best fit for each other or simply the most convenient that is just good enough?

Friendly for both commitment phobes and not-phobes

This one sounds weird, but hear me out. As someone who is a (recovering!) fearful-avoidant—that is, someone who both fears and desires connection—I can’t think of anything better suited for me than a situation in which I go about my life for weeks and then either host or visit a significant other for a predetermined time frame. For me, personally, it shows a level of commitment without over-committing: we each have our own lives, but our own dedicated time together. Being able to carve out time where we are each other’s priority makes my Quality-Time love language heart go pitter-patter.

My personal brand of attachment issues stems from a lack of ability to trust, not a lack of desire to. It’s not enough to tell me you’d like to travel the world or country “someday,” but it is more than enough to book the flight and actually get on the plane. It demonstrates a desire to try and follow through instead of letting fears stop you. Additionally, there are some perks in this specific time frame with the pandemic.

And if you are the opposite of a commitment-phobe, what’s more exciting than knowing that someone anywhere else on the planet is so excited to try something new with you that they would travel to do it?

This doesn’t mean that, if things are working out, a pair shouldn’t consider and work on closing the gap, but if dual-country or bicoastal life is working out for now, take it and run!

This leads me to my next point…

Non-traditional relationship paths might be the right fit for you

Getting into a long-distance relationship with someone creates a lot of challenges. But letting that rigidity of what a traditional proximate relationship “should be” like guide the way is only going to hurt everyone in the end.

You’re going to have to get creative, brave, and dare I say… vulnerable with someone effectively and consistently. Because physical intimacy can’t happen until after someone gets on a plane, you will have to re-examine exactly what it is you want out of a relationship. If you cannot bond with someone before getting physical, are you really creating a relationship at all? Or just a fantasy?

Sometimes people don’t know how to move a relationship forward even when they’re face-to-face (and given the dating culture these days, that’s not even just “some” people, it’s most of them). When you give a long-distance situation a chance, you have an opportunity others don’t: to really slow down and let excitement, trust, and anticipation build. You have to pace things more evenly and look further ahead.

Life is short and the planet is not that big

Some of the best stories I have in my life are from travel and not only the fact that I was in a certain place and time, but why.

Here’s the thing: when I share a travel story with someone and provide the context about why I was where I was, that is often just as exciting or interesting as the experience itself. So what if you got on a plane to go meet someone, spent a week with them, and things didn’t work out? Wouldn’t you have rather found out than always wondered what-if? What a lesson to learn, no?

On the grand scale of the universe, humans are infinitesimally small, and the distances we think are vast are nothing. Time and distance even in our own solar system are almost too large for us to comprehend (and ones outside of it are too large for us to conceptualize). Earth is not that large, a few thousand miles like being nose-to-nose with another body in the celestial space.

You’re focusing on the wrong barriers

International flights are expensive and domestic ones add up fast, especially if you have to buy two seats for yourself or have to navigate finding routes on specific aircraft and carriers that you know will accommodate you. It takes months for a passport to process, and add more weeks of stress if a visa is required. Figuring out a new ground transport system that’s different from what you’re used to is daunting. Currency exchange rates are bonkers sometimes and culture shocks are real.

But I’m telling you—none of that really matters. I’m not ignoring the reality of late-stage capitalism standing on our necks or implying you just aren’t working hard enough to earn this but it’s about understanding that the very real obstacles that can prevent us from opening up ourselves to what may really be out there for us are not the issue.

Money, time zones, logistics—these are all subjective inanimate concepts. They are unfortunately very closely tied to the way our lives go, but they are not us all the same. They are not our desires, fears, wants, hopes, insecurities… they are none of those things. They are the stressors, but not the real things that stop us. Affordability and logistics are real barriers but they are simply facts, not something to fear. If we choose to fear, not accept and process, those things instead, you may be denying yourself access to something special.

The airport moment is real (and worth it)

Ever get sucked into the corner of YouTube dedicated to reunion videos? Me either, never once! Nope.

Of course, nothing compares to waking up with someone every morning, but I’m telling you: that moment at the airport is something else. And it makes every minute of struggle leading up to it worth it all. It’s cheesy but true.

I don’t really have anything to say to that point besides that; I guess I’m just a sap at heart.

Thank you for reading my post today! If you enjoyed it, you may also be interested in my erotica or even a commission. I am also currently seeking submissions for an upcoming advice column.

How To Have “The Kink” Talk With Your Partner

So! You’ve been seeing someone for awhile and you are ready to talk to them about feedism. This is a short and sweet guide about to have that conversation, regardless whether it’s someone you met on a feedist network or out in the wild. I’ve been on the receiving end of both conversations more times than I’d like to share and I feel as though I am doing you all a disservice by not imparting some wisdom here.

This is mostly geared toward thin/average people who have never been fat and are dating someone who is fatter than they are, at any size. Of course, however, it can be useful for everyone and I hope it is!

Before I get started I want to congratulate you on reading this and considering this topic! It’s probably nerve wracking and not likely a conversation you want to have because well, it’s scary! But go you: being vulnerable. That’s actually a good thing and if your partner is a good person, they will admire and respect you opening up to them. So take a deep breath and don’t freak out. You can do this!

While I will offer some prompts and scripts to help you, keep in mind that these need to be in your voice. How would you say these things to someone you cared about? And also keep in mind this is only for introducing your specific kinks, not for negotiating if or how they show up in your sex life with your partner.

Most importantly: this discussion should not in any way happen while sex is imminent. Clothes on, no raging hormones, no flustery feels in the no-nos. Your head needs to be clear. Having this conversation while horny and engaging in activities to relieve horniness, regardless of your intention, will only serve to objectify your partner and possibly subject them to feeling pressure to go along with something they don’t understand or enthusiastically consent to. Neither of you are in the right space to have that conversation.

This is a conversation for another day, but just because you may have met someone in a fat-friendly or fetish space does not imply their consent as an individual. You must ask. Maybe your partner really does want to talk with you about this or has their own kinks they’d like to share but simply just isn’t in a place to have a discussion or wants to wait just a bit longer. Trying one of these will get you far:

  • “I’ve really enjoyed our intimacy so far. I’d like to deepen it so we can both get the things we really want and deserve in bed. Do you have any specific kinks or fantasies you’d feel comfortable sharing? I have a few of my own I’d like to tell you about. If you’re not ready to share or talk about this, that’s okay too.”
  • “I’ve had a great time talking to you and I’d like that to continue. Just because we met on [feedist network] doesn’t mean I see you as a sex object but wanted to open the door to that conversation about individual likes and fantasies if you are up for it sometime!”

And in either case if the person declines, your only answer should be “Okay, no problem!” and you promptly change the subject. Do not abandon the conversation, do not go silent, and do not ask them why they said no. Just accept it. Trust that if someone is already engaging in conversation with you, going on dates, spending time with, and opening up to you that they want to continue so be the reliable person and just continue that path.

Do not make your fantasies about them

Alright so let’s assume that your partner said “Hell yeah!” when you asked to have this discussion. Great! Before you get started, you must be aware of not projecting your desires onto your partner. Remember: even in a setting where the topic is common, you have no idea of knowing that what you like is what they like, or the way you see things happening is the same thing they do.

  • If your partner is otherwise not into feedism or anything related that you know of, just keep it short and sweet: “I am into a kink called ‘feedism.’ I find the act of two people engaging in feeding each other very erotic. This also includes weight gain and the admiration of or preference for fat bodies in general.”
  • If you are seeing someone that you met on a feedist network you can be more specific so long as you are not including your partner in these hypothetical preferences. “I really enjoy soft feeding and spoiling my partner, encouraging them to be sedentary, but also sometimes like to engage in more intense scenes. I find it erotic to know they could be at home intentionally lazing about while I am cooking for them.”

If you noticed: none of these said anything about you wanting to see your partner do any of these things. Do not say something like “I can’t get the thought of you lazing on the couch in lingerie with a gallon of ice cream out of my head!” until you are both much more comfortable with each other. The idea is that you just throw out a hypothetical fantasy, and give them the chance to share theirs or ask questions.

Do not make assumptions and always be aware that a fat person is human first

Some lucky folks are able to introduce this to their partners who were not previously into or aware of feedism and end up finding their ideal feedist! But keep in mind that is rare. I cannot stress this enough: if you believe that the success of a relationship is dependent on one of you getting fat, you are not in a relationship and you need to either check yourself immediately or leave it before both of you get hurt, because you will.

What feedism means to individuals is entirely subjective. If you’re only at this stage of “introducing kinks to each other” in your relationship, regardless if both of you want feedism to be an active, enriching part of it: neither of you are ready to engage in that on a regular basis with each other. Remember that feeding someone to the point of them gaining weight is life-changing. It is hard work. It comes with a lot of harsh realities beyond just expensive grocery bills.

You must make it clear that you do not expect anything of your partner to fulfill these fantasies except to not judge you for them. So long as you do not project it onto them and making them the star of your fantasy show (until there is consent!) you should be in the clear on this.

Be honest and open about your feelings

This is the key part in it all. The truth is that our kinks really aren’t a big deal. They just make our bodies say “hell fuckin’ yeah!” in a way we can’t really help.

But they make us nervous, because it requires vulnerability to express them! When you’re sharing your kink with someone, what you’re really saying is “I am trusting you to accept this part of me without judgment, even if it does not appeal to you.” For a lot of us that means that we will feel all manner of anxieties that can really stop us from truly expressing things. If you’ve been rejected, shamed, laughed at, or abandoned for revealing this about yourself, it’s understandable you would not want to do it again.

The solution, and stay with me here is to: state your feelings out loud. At any point in the conversation (when it’s your turn to speak). Sometimes it works better at the start and for some it’s better to debrief at the end. That depends on you, your partner, and the relationship you’re developing.

Keep your feelings about you only. Something like “I am nervous about sharing this with you.” Don’t add anything else! Pick just one or two emotions and say them out loud. Don’t fill in the blanks or assume what the other person may do or say. Give them a chance to respond. Saying something like “I’m scared you’re going to laugh at me,” complicates it, even if it’s not a baseless fear. They may be nervous, too, and you don’t know if you assume!

And if that person does laugh at you… dump them. At the very least, stop fucking them.


And that’s really it! Keep the conversation simple. Ask for consent, don’t project onto your partner, don’t make assumptions, and state your feelings. Remember that this is a conversation which requires two-way input, so also provide the same considerations for your partner, too, and give them the same safe space to express themselves.

Now go forth and spread the happy hedonism like the secure, self-assured communicators you are!

Thank you for reading my post today! If you enjoyed it, you may also be interested in my erotica or even a commission. I am also currently seeking submissions for an upcoming advice column.

Rich Bosses Are Always Weird

Long time; no see, right? Right.

Well, I have written another story for you and just because it’s been so darn long since I published anything new—it’s completely free!

Click-through this image to enjoy it on DeviantArt.

“Besides,” he said, bringing a glass of wine to his lips. “It’s not as though you are a stranger to an extra helping or two, isn’t that right?”
Thank you for reading my post today! If you enjoyed it, you may also be interested in my erotica or even a commission. I am also currently seeking submissions for an upcoming advice column.

Happy New Year! I have a question for you

So… it’s been almost three months since I posted something here. It’s not for a lack of content and ideas (I have plenty of drafts awaiting further writing or revision). To keep a very long story short is that I’m quite confident that I have ADHD and I’m on the path to getting a diagnosis. It just explains so much about things.

In the meantime, however, I’ve been enacting some things to help better manage my focus and productivity a bit that have been mostly working out. So while I’m getting all that arranged, I’d like to ask you what are some things you’d like to see here? Specific fat-kink-related topics you’d like discussed? Advice columns? Q&As? Whatever?

Keep in mind I do have some things in the works but I’d still love to hear your thoughts! Feel free to sound off below or reach out to me on Feabie or FF.

Thank you for reading my post today! If you enjoyed it, you may also be interested in my erotica or even a commission. I am also currently seeking submissions for an upcoming advice column.

FAQ: …so, what brings you here?

First: for the love of all that is unholy, please stop asking people this question. It’s one thing if it’s in context, like you’re at a bar and someone mentions they’re from out of town. But just during the greetings and the like—on kink networks, the implication is already there.

If you ask me this question, I will not answer it. This is the only time I will: because I’m looking to connect with other weirdos into the same stuff.

That’s it. A lot falls under that umbrella. It’s up to you to actually be a good conversationalist. Asking this question signals you don’t read the room very well.

How about this: instead of asking someone, try you telling them why you’re here (or there… you know what I mean). State your intentions up front! That kind of self-assuredness and confidence is really attractive and opens the conversation.

I guess you can say I’m kinda a big deal…

… since there’s fanart of me now 😉

A couple of months ago, soffxcell reached out to me on Feabie and gushed about my profile photo. He asked if he could draw it and I agreed. Recently, he finished it, and I offered to write a little vignette for it.

I’m pretty much in love with it so you should clicky-clicky the image here to go see the rest of it and show him some love!

This is not likely the last time you see us collaborate so keep your eyes peeled for more sooner than later!

Thank you for reading my post today! If you enjoyed it, you may also be interested in my erotica or even a commission. I am also currently seeking submissions for an upcoming advice column.