I get asked these so often and in such a predictable sequence that I decided they all belonged in their own single post. Behold, everything you all want to know about my writing process and some quick things about etiquette when asking a writer about their craft.
If you asked me one of these questions and I sent you this link instead: these are not things that are appropriate to ask.
How’d you get into writing? How long have you been doing it?
This question is usually fine with most people, but I personally do not like to discuss my writing process or history with others and I get asked so often that I created this instead.
It was something I always showed an aptitude for, all the way back to elementary school and I routinely scored off the charts every time my English composition and grammar skills were tested. I took additional modules for my college board exams (that the universities never cared about anyway so they were useless) but pursued other areas of study. It never occurred to me to study writing.
After (finally) graduating, I followed another career path for a while then decided to leave it. Just before that transition I had started leaning into my writing a bit more and realized that what came so naturally to me was a unique gift and I did not want to waste it. Things just built up from there.
You must be all kinds of “excited” when you write your stories.
Incorrect! And even if I was, that’s none of your goddamn business.
Generally, my process involves, um, inspiration (I’ll let you figure that one out) where I outline a new piece. If I have a commission, I work with the details the buyer provided and weave it into a 3-part structure. If necessary I will break it up from there.
However, I do not write when I’m actually aroused and horny. My output has already been slow and inconsistent due to *gestures at everything* but I’d really never get anything done if I only wrote in that state. I’ve definitely tried it, more than once, but honestly… writing while horny completely kills the mood for me because it’s a different part of my brain that gets aroused creatively.
So basically: I outline when horny, write when sober, and edit with coffee.
From there, I work on formatting and the cover art, then do the upload and marketing process. Because I’m doing this all myself, obviously, it’s an inconsistent and slow-going thing.
*weird comment insinuating that a story must be some personal fantasy of mine*
Please do read my writing. But do not read into my writing and seek meaning or desire that is not there.
When a story is from my own mind (not a commission) it’s true that there is some basis of personal fantasy in the premise. But quite honestly—once I know I have something workable, my creative juices take over and even when something does come my own spank-bank vault, by the time I have polished it up for mass consumption by my audience, I’m pretty far removed from any excitement on my part.
Stuffing Season is a great example of that. The opening scene is one I enjoy a lot and the premise was one I had in my head for a while (ahem, for reasons) but the way most of it turned out really aren’t my own personal fantasies. They were just ideas I knew would fit in very well with the story and would lead me to the end I planned.
If you are trying to get to know me as a person, my kink stories are not some secret path into my sexual or personal psyche.
*weird conversation about the personal impact an essay or blog post had on your life*
I’m genuinely thankful and pleased that something non-fiction I wrote resonated with you. That is why I do what I do! And I genuinely do enjoy hearing feedback and that it spoke to you.
I am not your therapist and the act of me accepting and engaging in feedback about how something impacted you is not an invitation to emotionally unload on me or otherwise vent. Unless we are friends, I am not your friend. If you feel you need further advice or want a fancy sexy story of your own, I do have both of those available (click here for my commission rates and here to submit to an upcoming advice column).
I understand that my non-fiction writing shows an open, empathetic side of me. And to that end, yes, I am very much me in those pieces. But I am ultimately a sensitive, private person with intense and rigid boundaries and I do not do well when they are violated. Appreciate the work for what it is and don’t seek more (unless, of course, you want a commission…)
It’s ok to reach out and tell me you appreciated a piece, and why. I will always respond in kind to that. It’s not ok to push the conversation deeper unless I already know you.
There you have it. All of the questions you want to ask and shouldn’t, but do anyway.
Thank you for reading my post today! If you enjoyed it, you may also be interested in my erotica or even a commission. I am also currently seeking submissions for an upcoming advice column.