FAQ: Why I’m Not A Gainer

“So, uh, you’re a feedee but not a gainer…?”

I get asked this quite often, and I know that I am not the only one either. The short answer is: because I don’t want to and that’s it.

If you want the longer answer:

Feedism is not predicated on one or more parties being required to gain weight. There are plenty of people who are into weight gain as a kink without the feedism aspect. Likewise, there are plenty who are into bloating and stuffing without any care about the weight gain aspect.

Sure, is there a lot of overlap with gaining feedees? Of course! There’s nothing wrong with that. But we need to stop acting like they are interchangeable terms because they simply aren’t. And we also need to stop asking people this question and just accept it at face value.

It really is no different than people who, for example, participate in strict BDSM culture but do not live that lifestyle 24/7, or have other kinks they like to engage in but do not want it to become their whole life or identity.

For me, feedism is about the act of eating with and for another person intimately. Feeding has always been an intimate act and there’s something incredibly sexy about doing it with someone who also wants you to do it for them. In this way, also, my brand of feedism requires another person’s involvement: a feeder. One does not necessarily need a feeder to be a gainer and plenty of those also abound.

Additionally, my appetite (pun intended, maybe) for feedism isn’t strong enough to want to gain or “let go” with a feeder. It is a fun kink to engage with sometimes. I enjoy the quality of life and body I have now and don’t want that to change. I go into much more detail about that here.

This does not mean I am “just a stuffee” or whatever other word you want to put in its place. No: I am a feedee. A non-gaining one.

Honestly, I believe that there are far more of us than there are gainers. Given the constant complaints about the rarity of SSBBW to pick from indicates that. Also: getting SS is incredibly difficult.

Let’s turn the tables: are you a feeder?

Is it just the gaining that gets to you, or are there other things? Do you like things like tightening clothes, or seeing a feedee get full, or comment about their state of fullness, or eagerly enthuse about food? Do you like messy eating or seeing buttons pop off?

Is that something you want to see happen in every instance of someone eating around you? Or would you say that it also has to do with the dynamic and interaction between you and the person you’re feeding? Of course, we all have those incidental moments where someone says or does something inherently kinky-feedist that gets our attention. But thinking about it this way, do you recognize that there’s a level of sexual tension, active consent, and mutual desire that is equally critical to the experience? You don’t want everyone around you to gain weight sexually or eat in a sexual manner for you, is that correct? It is the same for me.

(And of course, if you do want everyone to gain weight or eat in a sexual manner for you, that’s a discussion for another day!)

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